Sunday, February 2, 2014

Beer, Cake and Blow Jobs… A Letter To My Ex

Dear Ex A Hole,

All I ever wanted was for you to hold my hand in public, be kind to me, maybe make a card at Christmas. You were too busy and too rich. Rich with power you didn’t understand or know what to do with. You are an “embarrassment of riches.”

I saw a post on your FB wall the other day by accident. I didn’t even realize we were still friends there. A “meme” was on your page. It showed a woman in bed, with a note she had written, something to the effect of “beer & cake in fridge”.

Your comment on this was, “if women only knew how easy it was to please a man…”

Well sweetheart, I “wish” you would have clued me in on just how easy it was to please a “man.”  You could have saved me a lot of trouble.

Saved me hours of driving to see you.
Saved me money buying you gifts I thought you would appreciate.
Saved me time cleaning your house and doing your laundry.
Saved me time scrubbing your toilets.
Saved me the effort of making gourmet meals.
Saved me from having them ready when you were off work.
Saved me putting up with your bitch of a mother.
Saved me listening to your bigoted father.
Saved my tiring jaw from late night BJ’s I didn’t even feel like giving.
Saved me from giving tiring massages.
Saved me from pretending to listen to your boring & uninformed politics.

Towards the end when you knew it was too late, you showered me with endless gifts. None I really wanted. You know I don’t need anything and I’m not a fan of expensive jewelry. Actually a new blender, a new pair of scissors or even that hand made card telling me how you really felt was all I ever needed.

And I say, “What about breakfast At Tiffany’s?” You took me there and bought me lavish gifts as you made passes at the sales girl. I remember it well. I knew the writing was on the wall.

I accepted those gifts anyway. Knowing well that I would just give them to people who would enjoy them. J

So that’s what this Valentine’s Day Goldy Knows contest is really all about. I want to pass on something beautiful that I really don’t need. But one lucky supporter will get it. Keep it for yourself or give it to the woman in your life. I’m so happy just to share with you.

You have my promise and word, that with each day I become more and more successful, that I will be giving away more and more bigger and better things. It’s all I want to do and the desire in my heart to make you all as happy as you have made me treating me BETTER than any man I’ve ever dated. Ha ha!

Mr. “Right” has some BIG shoes to fill. Ah hem… in more ways than one! Lol. He’s got to surpass the love I’ve received from everyone supporting my career. Combined! Then and only then, will I give someone a second look. :-)


I have received something from Tiffany & Co! As a gift! But I don't need it! So? As the NEW Goldy Knows Episode III promotion, I want one of you all to have it! Or give it to your girl for VALENTINE'S DAY!!! WIN IT ON ME! It's easy & here's how!!!

2. Leave a comment and at the end, guess a number 1 - 1000
3. You can leave 10 comments a day with DIF #'s!
4. On Feb 11th, whoever is the closest WINS!
5. I send it to you the next morning!

Beer and cake in the fridge if only I had known it was that easy. If that's all you require from a relationship babe, then have at it. I'm sure that'll work out really well for you. Just remember, the chick you pick up in the bar late some night, who’s only talents are to feeding you beer and cake? I'm sure there's some other dude who's fridge is she is stalking as well. ;-)

Beer and some frickin cake… if only I had known it was that easy.

Goldy Knows

#goldyknows #goldylocksrocks #tnawrestling #chelsealately #ellen

Photos by the incredible: Chuckie Arlund
Make up by: Kristina Dornan-Arlund