TALK TO THE HAND
I can’t say thank you enough to the people who come out to our shows. You know I love you. I really do. So many of you “get it”. You understand what does into this grueling lifestyle. You are kind and you are considerate, supportive and thoughtful. I so look forward to seeing you every time we set foot in a venue.
This isn’t for you all though. This is for people who need a serious reality check. Some artists are too shy, meek or don’t want to rock the boat by saying, so allow me to open my big mouth once again. Last night many of you went to far. I’m not having it.
Why is it that so many people feel they can say anything they think of to an artist, entertainer or public figure? You crucify many. I hear people at airports, hotel lobbies, speaking ill words over celebrities they will never even know. Yet they talk as if they are BFF’s.
I am accessible, approachable and have no security at shows. People follow me into restrooms, parking lots, and my hotel room… really? How would you like that? It’s creepy, UN nerving and makes me want to run from you. Have you ever thought how that would make YOU feel?
How about the things you candidly say to me? Let’s start with last night. What if on Monday morning your co-workers, new ones you didn’t even know came up to you and said?
1. You look really bad
2. You look tired and shot
3. Wow, you’ve gotten older and gained weight since I watched you on wrestling
4. Your voice is really weak tonight
5. I’ve heard you sound better
6. Maybe you’d like to come back to my room with my girlfriend and me
7. You’re not on wrestling anymore. Wow, I guess you’re not doing much
8. You look fatter than I remember
9. You have wrinkles when I get this close to you
10. And things that will identify people clearly from last night that I won’t publicly humiliate like you do me.
I come to do a job, perform and entertain you. Stop asking me personal questions. Or believing that we are “dating” in your mind. Because we are not I assure you.
Unless you have something awesome to say, then shut up. If I ask for your opinion, (which I won’t) then you don’t need to volunteer information on my performance, Chances are I know I forgot a lyric, or didn’t hit a note. I’m a fricking artist. We are already pretty hard on ourselves by nature, don’t make it worse.
Do I really look older and fatter than when I debuted on Impact Wrestling? Because I’m surprised. That was in 2002, 13 years ago. I can’t figure out why in THIRTEEN years I have changed? WINNER for the most STUPID comment ever.
Do I look tired? Funny, we just got 3 hours sleep, loaded up, drove TEN hours, loaded in in 18 degree weather and played a four hour high energy show. Clearly you must be mistaken? How could I EVER be tired?
You’ve heard me sound better? Hmmm… well I haven’t seen you look better. In fact every time I see YOU, you look a fright. You should really do something about that. Oh wait, you can’t, that’s just your face.
I’m not on wrestling anymore. Yup, you’re right. And clearly by my social media pages I’m sitting around with my thumb up my butt doing nothing. Man, you got me on that one…
I think many of the people don’t know how to talk to anyone really. They have social disorders. Well, please don’t come practice on me. Find a nice tree, or stick on the ground. I don’t know… maybe a park bench? Approach it, greet it, say hello, and tell it, “Hey, nice wood.” Maybe give it a few more compliments, talk about the weather… you know, baby steps. When you “master” that, then come and talk to me.
Other favorites include classics like, “Wow, you sound pretty good for a girl.” or who could forget this one? “I came here expecting you to suck, but you weren’t that bad.”
Thanks. Thanks and bless your pointed head. Maybe the next time you get done in the sack someone can muster up a gem THAT good for you. Oh, wait?! You’re flying solo aren’t you? … Talk to the hand… Talk to the hand.
Happy Valentine’s Day! And remember in the words of Aretha Franklin…RESPECT!
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